


the difference you make

by oomf (indisguise)



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Other, i'll do these later - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-05-01 21:15:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14529330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indisguise/pseuds/oomf
Summary: Sharing how you feel only leads to more pain and more death. It allows someone to get the upper hand on you. It allows someone to hurt the ones you care about.Those words his father shared with him shortly after his mother's death were now decades behind him. The memory was burned into his brain like it was yesterday.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> just messing around with deke's character. who knows if i'll ever update this again

It hadn't been long. Not long at all. He'd convinced himself otherwise, why would he be in love with a girl from the past? 

There was no point.

Especially since she carried her heart on her sleeve. He could tell that before he even opened his mouth she was sick of his words. 

His words meant nothing next to Coulson's. Or May's. Or even her own. 

But who would he be to listen to his (partly) sensible brain? He wouldn't be Deke Shaw that's for sure. 

Keeping emotions in check had never been easy for him. He was told from a young age that emotions were important, exceedingly so if he wanted to save the world, but they were to be kept inside.

_Sharing how you feel only leads to more pain and more death. It allows someone to get the upper hand on you. It allows someone to hurt the ones you care about._

Those words his father shared with him shortly after his mother's death were now decades behind him. The memory was burned into his brain like it was yesterday. 

So yes, maybe he had been a bit of a douchebag. Like modeled by his father and pretty much everybody he stole scraps from, pushing someone away was the only effective way to guarantee their safety. While both your hearts might suffer in the process, it was worth it if you still had each other in the end. Even if surviving together was the farthest the relationship extended. 

Pushing Daisy away the way he did could never be justified. He reasoned that selling her  _probably_ crossed a line (even though he'd never admit it.) But he had saved her ass (even though she'd never admit it.) So he did have his excuses. 

Not that she cared. She was busy saving the world and doing other important things. Those things usually did not include him. He was not helpful. He was not smart. He could barely even stand upright without a couple of those magic pills. 

All in all, he was useless. 

Nobody appreciates that feeling, even if they do deserve it. 

He'd been to hell and back, and all he got was a nice cold bench, a gunshot wound, and a girl who would never love him back.

He'd already died twice for god's sake. Twice. But he was still useless. 

So he was going to die cold and alone. He wouldn't have a happy ending. He wouldn't get the girl. He wouldn't save the world. 

But who cared about the world?! He was Deke! As much as it pained him he knew he was a self centered freak. He had no chance at this whole "the greater good" thing. It was absolute bullshit. 

Sacrificing one's own well being, just for a 1 in 14 million chance that everybody else might get it right. No. No that was messed up.

_But,_ a part of him wondered,  _isn't that the point? To leave the world a better place than he found it?_

However, that was the part of him who had been driven completely mad talking. That was the crazy part that he didn't listen to. 

But what he did listen to was the loud rumbling that was shaking his bunk. It had started off as barely a buzz and now things were falling over, prized possessions were sliding off shelves, and his bullet wound was burning in agony. The entire base was quaking. His mind went to the first thing that it always did.

_Daisy._

"Deke?!" He could barely hear her call his name above the rumbling. It felt like she was had responded to his thoughts. 

"Yeah I'm in here!" She burst through the door with so much force he worried she had been thrown through. 

"Get down!" 

"What!"

"Listen for once! Get your ass on the ground!" Before he could process what she was saying a part of his ceiling caved in, causing a cascade of rocks to topple on top of him. 

And on her.

"Daisy!" His words were weak. It felt like his lungs had been crushed, literally. The dust and the ash of the explosion made his lips dry and his throat hoarse. 

No one answered. 

"Daisy can you hear me?" He wiggled beneath the rocks. Moving inches at a time, he made his way to where he'd seen Daisy fall. He realized to late that his legs were pinned and he wasn't going anywhere. 

Her body was turned the other way. He extended his arm much longer than he ever had before and he grasped her hand. 

"Please. Wake up Daisy. Can you hear me? I'm holding your hand!" He squeezed a little tighter. "You should be kicking my ass or something! Daisy--" A coughing fit overcame him.

There was no response. There was no movement. There was no kicking his ass.

She was--

And he swore, in that moment, his heart stopped. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i was told "hoe dm that fic" so here we are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this started out as me messing around with deke's character and it turned into a concept so now we have another dekedaisy fic. 
> 
> yay?

_Okay._ He thought to himself.  _Just don't panic._

"What the hell of course I'm going to panic! Who the fuck do you think I am?" 

Nobody answered. 

"Well yeah don't even worry about it guys." He gestured around the room. "Just gotta unpin myself from a crap ton of boulders, wake someone up who is probably dead, and escape from a collapsed building! No biggie!" His voice collapsed in his throat. The words he had just spewed in anger finally registered in his mind and his body crumpled into a pile of sobs. Desperate for oxygen through the dusty air, he could feel his chest heaving as his crying became more shallow.

No. He had been in countless situations that were ten times more difficult than this. He'd survived an apocalypse. He'd survived time travel. For hell's sake his grandparents were the two most brilliant people of this generation. 

No. He was not going to die down here. And he wouldn't let her die either.    

He maneuvered and twisted his body until he could grab ahold of a sizable rock across the room.

"Just don't hit your leg. Don't hit your leg. Whatever you guys pray for down here, it's Jesus right? Yeah. Hey um Jesus could you make sure I don't hit my leg? I'd really appreciate it." He nodded towards the ceiling and muttered another prayer before striking his newfound tool down towards his leg. It connected with the boulder that was pinning him and they both shattered, causing the room to shift and his leg to shoot free. 

"Goddamit Jesus it still got my leg!" Not only had the shattered rock scraped along his leg, but there was also an obvious sign of a break. "But hey! It burns like hell down there anyway so why not cause extra pain." He winced to himself. "Not  _down there_. You know what I mean don't you?" 

Scooching over to Daisy, he whimpered, which was probably the least "masculine" thing he could do at that moment, but he really wasn't concerned with the theatrics. He could try all day to  _act_ like a hero, but if he actually saved her? He would  _be a_  hero. And who knows, she might even smile at him. 

His hand shook as he grazed her wrist with his fingers. It was the most tentative gesture he could make, after all he feared she was dead. Maybe there wouldn't be a heartbeat. 

And there wasn't. He desperately pressed harder this time. Nothing. He checked her neck and his own heart practically broke with relief when he could feel a faint  _thump thump_. 

She was alive.

And he wouldn't have to do mouth to mouth which Jesus Christ would've been embarrassing. 

He collapsed out of pure exhaustion.

"Hey Daisy? Now would be a nice time to wake up. You know. I think my leg is broken and you're really good at saving my ass again and again. And thanks for that but it'd be really useful if you do it just one last time. I was gonna tell you this later, but I think I'm leaving. The lighthouse--" He paused for a moment, thinking about his words. (Which he didn't often do.) "I mean it's really great, and you're really great, and having a quote unquote family is great but, I don't know, I wanna drink another Zima again. I wanna plant something green. Stuff like that. And if you wanted to come along I would lov--" She groaned and her eyes shot open.

"Deke?"

"Oh thank god you're okay." He leaned over to hug her and he would've succeeded if his leg hadn't sent another burning hot sensation to his brain. "Eeekagh!" That probably wasn't the most heroic noise he could've made. 

"Wow slow down there cowboy." She used his shoulder to prop herself the rest of the way up and another burning sensation sent it's way up from his shoulder to his brain. Except this one wasn't pain. 

"I thought you were dead." She rubbed her temples and glanced around at their surroundings.

"Eh. Nothing new. I think most people on the team have died at least once." Casually standing up, she treaded over to the collapse. Deke nearly had a coughing fit.

"I'm sorry. What?"

"You know with the alien blood and how Tess survived?"

"Oh yeah. Tess..."

"What? Did you guys have a thing or something?" She couldn't help but hide her smirk.

"Me and Tess? No--pfhh--we never, um, did anything like...that..." 

"Mhm sure you didn't." 

"So you gonna quake us outta here and save my ass again or what?" Desperate to change the subject, his eyes pleaded with her that she just go along with it.

"Nope." She slammed her fist against a nearby boulder and he jumped in surprise. Her face was so calm; she was so collected. "We can't fucking get out of here. If I move any of these boulders blocking the door the whole fucking building will come crashing down on us!" Another rock skittered away as she kicked it. 

"Woah chill out. It's okay, the team'll find us and get us out of here." He tried to keep his voice from wavering when  _that_ thought crossed his mind. 

"Unless they're dead." Wow. The audacity to say  _that_ thought out loud.

"No, hey don't think like that." She collapsed against the wall across from him, her foot touching his.

"And why shouldn't I? You know I could've stopped it right?"

"Daisy despite what you believe the whole world doesn't ride on your shoulders."

"Doesn't that go against your 'destroyer of worlds' belief." He sighed at her mocking tone.

"I'm over that. It's bullshit. And besides, the rest of us get to save the world sometimes too? Leave a little for the rest of us." The corner of her mouth twitched and she playfully shoved him. "Ow! Please...don't."

"Oh sorry what happened?" Was that... _concern_ layered in her voice? 

"Um...the ceiling caved in on me."

"Yeah I got that part."

"And it pinned my leg. I think it's broken. I'm not really sure but it hurts like hell." She tenderly rolled up his pants and squeezed her eyes shut when she saw the bruises going up and down his leg. "Is it that bad?"

"I don't think you want me to tell you. Here, lemme find a splint." After rummaging for a bit she found a broken bedpost. Methodically, she ripped the fabric from the bottom of his pants and a little bit from her sleeves and she was able to tie the post to his leg. "That should help. A little bit." 

"You know if you had wanted to rip my pants off you should've just said so." He grimaced as she tightened the fabric a little. 

"Shut up." But she laughed under her breath. He had actually just said a good pickup line. With no stuttering or anything.

"So, how do you plan on passing the time?"

"If they even find us."

"They will."

"Okay then. Let's hold out hope. But it might be a while."

"You know what, I have an idea." She rolled her eyes. "What?!"

"I'm expecting a stupid response"

"Do you have a better one?"

"I was saying we could just sit in silence." He stared at her blankly.

"So yeah mine's better. You tell me your life story."

"Excuse me?" 

"Well, you said it yourself, we're gonna be stuck down her a longgg time. And besides, you've mastered the whole badass thing. Now I could get to hear how."

"It's none of your business. Besides, it's not a happy story."

"I grew up in a future where everyday my life and the human race was threatened by a blue guy who wore too much eye makeup. Try me." She narrowed her eyes at him.

"What are you playing at here? The long game again?"

"Playing at? Maybe a friendship? I don't have many of those and it would be nice. The closest friend I have is my grandma and that's kinda lame." A smile dared to grace her lips again.

"Okay then." And she told her story. Who knows how long they were down there. She spared no detail (unless it was particularly revealing and private). And despite his statement before about not being phased by anything, he was truly astounded. The trials and tribulations. The people she had lost to death, or sometimes even worse. No wonder she carried the weight of the world on her shoulders and her neck and her head. After everything she had lost and every sacrifice she had made, how much longer before she couldn't take it? In his heart he knew she was the toughest, most powerful woman he had ever met. But in his brain, he couldn't believe she had made it through. 

"And we were gonna eat some pie but then the bald guy, Enoch kidnapped us and sent us to the future through a rock. And then we met you. The end. Story time is over now." Despite her harsh tone her face was softer now. Because despite all of the bad, there were still times when she laughed and remembered. 

"Well, you got me there. I don't think anyone could top that life story."

She scoffed. "Wait till Fitzsimmons tells you the shit they've gone through. Some of I think is even worse than death."

“Yeah. Also I'm sorry. It sucks that so many people have died.” The moment he said it he regretted it. Her eyes turned twenty shades darker and her face hardened again. The reminiscent look disappeared.

“Yeah.” She played with one of her frayed sleeves. “One of the agents who saved me from my home village, we got in contact with him a couple years back. He said...he said um...” She cleared her throat. Maybe the dust had scratched the back of her throat. Or maybe she was trying to cover up the bitterness in her voice. “He said ‘death follows me wherever I go.’ And so far, he’s been right.” 

Deke wasn’t sure what to say. What kind of person was this agent, so he thought he’d had the right to say she was the cause of the death. It was her fault? She was to blame? 

“That's not true. You're such an amaz--"

"But what if it is? You're down here because of me. If I had been able to absorb the quakes we wouldn't be stuck under twenty tons of rocks."

"But how could you have--" 

"Don't you get it Deke? You are going to die down here. Because of me."

"No." He scooched closer to her and took hold of her hands. " _We_ are down here because you tried to save me. Besides dying down here next to you isn't such a bad way to go. I got to experience freely eating food, seeing the sunlight, even having a family. That's not something that comes easy for people like you are me." She gave him an indecirapble look. "I mean, not that there's anything wrong with who we are and--"

"Shut up. I know what you meant." She tapped him gently as if to represent a playful shove and smiled. And he couldn't help but laugh. "What? What's so funny?" 

"I don't know. I feel like I've been trapped here my whole life. Something constantly pulling me back here, telling me that there was something worth waiting for. And all I've ever wanted to do was leave. Hell, I was even planning on it." 

"Oh yeah? Well, what is it?" He knew the answer wholeheartedly. It was  _her._ But his pride would never allow him to admit that.

"I don't know. Maybe it's moments like these where the outside world doesn't exist. And besides, who would remind you how annoying you are?"

"What did I ever do to you?"

"Oh threatening to kill me about a dozen times. Treating me like a dumbass constantly. And then you had the nerve to reject the lemons."

"The what?" Thank god it was dark because he could feel the heat rise in his cheeks.

"I said tremors."

"You said lemons."

"Bullshit."

"This isn't a card game we're playing. You sai--"

"Oh? I don't know about these card games you guys play in the past. Maybe you could teach me the rules?"

"Why the hell would you put lemons on my bed?"

"Oh speaking of beds I think my splint is loosening. Maybe you could teach my first aid?"

"Some prank sure. But then you lied about it? What were you scared I'd kick your ass or something?"

"Speaking of pranks this is very serious. You see I think the oxygen levels are lowering in here and it's probably getting to your head so we should find a way out of here." He attempted to get up but he wasn't able to, for two reasons. Obviously, his leg was broken and one does not stand when their leg is broken, but also, he was practically intertwined with her. They must've gotten closer, both physically and emotionally, when she was talking. 

"Or maybe it means something else. What does it mean Deke? I hate you?"

"Hey! I don't hate you." 

"Well what does it mean then." Oh he was so stupid. Should've just gone with hate. "It's a future thing isn't it? What does it mean 'I love you'?" The last part she had meant as a joke but he suddenly froze. His heartbeat somehow sped up and slowed down at the same time. "Holy shit. You said 'reject' didn't you." It was more of a statement then a question as the realization dawned on her. 

"No I swear I didn't mean--" She shifted so they were no longer quite as close. "Look. You can say 'let's just be friends' or 'I hate you' or 'dumbass' or whatever you want, but I have to get this off my chest." He sighed heavily before continuing.

"You are an amazing person. You have saved the world countless times. You care about others more than yourself. You have this annoyingly insistent determination to succeed at doing whatever greatness you see fit. And I think whoever said 'death follows you' is full of shit. Because it doesn't follow you. You were given a fucked up ticket at the lottery of life and I think it's crazy what you did with it. You went and you saved people. Thousands, millions, even billions of people. So yeah, it may seem like death says hello a lot but it's not because of you. It's because you put yourself in the line of fire and I know that you have done the impossible by all of the lives you have saved, but sometimes we don't get em all. And that sucks. It absolutely fucking sucks. But I admire you wholeheartedly and I hope you know that you are by far one of the greatest people I have ever met." 

He glanced over at her and was barely able to make out her figure. 

"You're something else Deke."

"So I've been told." Suddenly he could see her face because she was only inches away. And was that...light? He didn't really care if they were being rescued or if they were about to be beam me up Scotty-ed because he could see how painstakingly beautiful she was. 

"Deke? Deke are you in there?" A foreign voice called from behind the rubble. Suddenly she shot back against the opposite wall and the moment was gone. He broke their eye contact just as quickly.

"Yeah! Simmons is that you? Me and Daisy are in here!"

"Alright we're coming to get you. Step as far away from my voice as possible!"

"Ha! As if I could step." He winced again at the reminder of his useless leg.

"Here Deke I got you." She hoisted him up and he his nerves went hay wire. Half of them from pain, half of them from something he feared even more. 

A loud boom echoes through his bunk. 

"You ready to get out of here Daisy?" 

"I'm ready to take a shower."

Another loud boom. And another. And after twenty very loud and very long booms of the entire left side of his body touching the entire right side of her body they were finally greeted by light.

"Thank god now I can get out of here. Never do I want to be stuck in a bunk with you again." But yet again, she was trying not to smile and there was a bit of sarcasm in her voice.

Wait. Bunk...stuck together...not kidding?

"What are you standing there for? Come on Deke let's get out of here." She started to drag him towards the "doorway."

"Right sorry. Yeah." Her expression turned smug as she realized why he was so flustered. "Though full disclosure, I don't think that'll be the last time you save my ass."

"Oh I'm counting on it." And together, well not really together. More of her trying to walk and him hobbling along, they made their way towards the light. 

 

***

"Hello! I'm glad you all could make it."

"Deke what are you doing on your feet you have to--"

"Nah don't worry about it Fitz. Though it is surprising you're worrying. Anyway you might be wondering why I gathered you all here today. I heard about your unfortunate time at the diner before you were kidnapped and introduced to me. So, I thought I'd make you guys pies."

A mutter of excitement traveled through the team. 

"No offense Deke, but what we have actual work--" Fitz couldn't finish his sentence as Deke pulled the pies out of the oven. 

"I looked it up on wikiHow so I hope they don't kill you guys. But there is apple, blueberry, and lemon."

"I'm sorry, you made _lemon_ pie?"

"Please dig in and enjoy!" Deke was the first to grab a plate and a fork before scooping the biggest piece of lemon pie for himself. Everybody quickly followed and Deke attentively watched Daisy to see what she would choose. Her lips faintly dared to smile at him.

Decisively she picked up a piece of lemon pie and made her way back to her seat. He remained at the counter on the other side of the room but there was something shared between them. 

She seemed more relaxed with herself and with her decisions than she did before. Like maybe, maybe the world wasn't resting quite as heavily on her shoulders as it had before.

Not only had he changed her perspective on herself but she had also made a difference in his life. As he watched everyone laugh and smile and think of all of the happy memories he realized that maybe he did want to stay. He had everything he needed right here. 

A family. And those are hard to come by.

She glanced over at him and nodded that the pie was good. They shared another secret smile and had their own private toast to old friends and new.

Raising their forks to a symbol of something so much more than a friendship, they shared a bite of lemon cake.

Yeah. He had everything he needed right here.

 

**Author's Note:**

> i just pressed the enter key whenever the hell i wanted to all throughout this work
> 
> you're welcome paragraph rules


End file.
